It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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