Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
