the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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