Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
