Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
