paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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