I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
