do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
