i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
