i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
