he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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