You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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