I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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