please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
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