I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
