What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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