even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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