Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
