i don't like sucking hair
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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