you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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