the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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