He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
