did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
