living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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