Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
