Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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