I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I am available for nakedness
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
