Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
