Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
