God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
