Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
