On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
