are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
