she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
