We won't sleep together?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
