SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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