Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
