we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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