this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You ruined the universe
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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