I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
