You smell like stripper and shame
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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