We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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