wakey wakey hands off snakey
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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