Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
