Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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