broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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