So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
