I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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