dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
