hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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