I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
