I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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