Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I will pee on everything he values.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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