So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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