There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
