Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize