Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
