I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
