Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
