I must be too annoying 4 u.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
