the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
