There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
