I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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