do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
