If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
