i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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