Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
