I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
