It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
